“THE OBITUARY OF ETHICS”

“WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT THE CURRENT DISTRICT ATTORNEY”

We are gathered today to remember, “ETHICS A. PLENTY” known by some, ignored by so many. Ethics was here before us and many thought he’d be here after us. Sadly, this was not to be the case.

Most couldn’t say exactly what started his demise as they had neglected to visit him as often as they should. It was rumored to have started one day when he was struck down by public officials said to be working for private interests. Though the perpetrators were never caught, Ethics recognized the driver as GREED D. MAN. Ethics’ condition worsened when he contracted a contagious disease known as Obsessive Campaigning Disruption (“O.C.D.” for short) from a visiting professional politician. Afterwards, Ethics spent his remaining time in a state of blindness dying alone in a hospital bed after battling a lengthy illness known as “Complacency”.

Many did attend his funeral, however. Of those in attendance, his few remaining true friends such as the current district attorney expressed great sadness at the loss. Being an election year though, also in attendance were several local high ranking authorities. Spotted were the current district judge (alongside her friend, a district attorney candidate); current county judge (also escorted by a friend, an embattled county commissioner); and even the sheriff made an appearance. Perhaps if they had shown this much attention during his life, Ethics would still be among us.

Surely the epitaph would read:

“HERE LIES ETHICS A. PLENTY, GREATEST TREASURE RARELY SPENT”.

- Author Unknown

“Please help. The vote you save may be mine!” signed ETHICS A. PLENTY